If its a crippling anxiety issue, a solo visit to a therapist and their GP for anxiety meds might be more effective. If your husband doesnt trust you to handle three days sitting in conference rooms in Las Vegas with your coworkers, thats a fundamental relationship problem. Theres like 1 hour of down time. (And there is outside reinforcement for this my MIL things Im insane for letting my 10-year-old go to the bathroom, which I can see clearly from our restaurant table, alone.) of my colleagues are and having the convention somewhere like Las Vegas brings in more talent from around the world. Yes, we were taking advantage of the fact that 19/20 year olds can go to the pub in the UK, but we were still hanging out with the professor while we did so. Ha, my team at Exjob traveled all the time (consultants) and they said the only thing good about it was the FF miles and points. Youre better equipped than anyone here to judge whether hes capable of moving past his insecurities and choosing not to or if theyre something totally beyond his control, but you should get to the point of understanding that this is his own baggage and the only reasonable things you should feel about them is either sadness that your husband is falling to this sort of insane thinking or frustration that hes letting his insecurities get the better of him, whichever of those you think is more appropriate to your situation. And I dont know whether I asked permission, exactly, to plan some activities on my own this weekend to decompress from a week of solo child care, but I did run it by her she was of course supportive, but sometimes with this kind of planning there are scheduling issues we have to work out. Which is actually one of the reasons why I think this is not just a control issue. I used the work on policy areas around crime, and in the UK, people places with low crime rates have a much higher fear of crime than people from high crime areas. I wanted to get tickets for a show, but it was sold out. A room like that in any other city would cost 3 or 4 times that. (Not the same thing, but my wife had continuing education there and brought me. My point was, shes hearing about friends opinions second-hand. The big issue is that hes being controlling and jealous in a really misogynist way, so Im not actually all that concerned with or sympathetic about notional anxiety issues at this point. I can believe that he chooses to associate mostly with people who share his views on sin, evil, and temptation. Both individuals will benefit from communication tools to use in challenging this kind of worry-filled thinking. Ah, sorry, didnt say they were the only two choices! Everyone else said she deserved it! Asking for baseline respect should not be a fraught conversation. Should I take him into account? Ill take bizarrely leading questions for 600, Alex. sienna plantation inventory homes; masters in international law and diplomacy; is daffodil water poisonous; One of my best friends took his family (2 very young children) to Vegas, and they had a great time. It could be, but its tougher to stay up all night gambling and partying in the middle of the week in NY or SF. Its probably rooted in a sexist view and I dont know who hes talking to everyone objects to their partners going because thats insane. I personally hate Vegas, but I would never question the idea of sending a business trip there because its typically the cheapest place you can gather people from offices all over the continent. Perhaps Allison can clarify and correct if needed? If someone tells my son, I am a thief, or. It also couldnt be. When I was fretting over whether to pursue a fantastic opportunity that would require a good amount of travel, he told me, Youve worked too hard to get where you are to not take ANY opportunity you want to take. And he means it. Are you ok with dealing with his overexagerations, accusations, and paranoia whenever you go for a trip by yourself or is it starting to get on your nerves. Theres a limit to how much they can make if they limit themselves to those who want risqu and sleavy. Hes watched too many college Spring Break movies, right? OP can call out her husband by offering to buy a $1MM (or whatever number) life insurance policy for the duration of the vegas trip. When I was a teen, she wouldnt even let me walk the dog around our boring, gated community if it was dark out. Twenty. If it didn't work you were stuck with a super cringe photo until the next time you tried to get everyone together. Ignore your phone for the rest of the trip, do not let him pester you or hog time soothing him when you should be doing work stuff. But if theyre just attending as a participant, they wont be working 20 hours a day. Im not diagnosing at all. My colleagues travel all over the world, sometimes to places in great upheaval where they have to have military escorts. My feeling is that hes coming up with post-facto, emotionally triggering justifications for something that has absolutely no basis in any rational apprehension of reality. Omg that sounds so much like my mom. Why do you feel this way?. Hey, if they didnt want me to take 2 Jacuzzi baths a day they shouldnt have put a TV in there! Lots to see and do. Security at casinos is greater than that at Fort Knox. I was fine, nothing weird happened to me, but I wont stay off strip again. :-). You and a therapist will be able to figure that out and take next steps. People understand the environment and are very vigilant about what is going on. And here we are, reading a letter from a woman concerned that her career will destroy her marriage because everyone told her husband so. The country really isnt so homogeneous on this kind of experience that you have to seek out people to agree with you on this no matter where you live. I thought it was supposed to be would NEVER let their significant others go. Its the kind of autocorrect my phone makes; even/never. I agree with the counseling suggestion. This. Whenever we visit, we have to stay in their house, which is dirty and only has one working bathroom. Dont get hit by a stray printer that someone threw out a window in a rage while you have a cuppa with a buddy outside! He wants me to refuse to go, but I think I could lose my position in the company or be treated differently. We respect everyones right to express their thoughts and opinions as long as they remain respectful of other community members, and meet What to Expects Terms of Use. Well there it is. I wonder if OPs husband has watched too much CSI? Today, we can take a million pictures to find the right one, but in the Groovy era you had one chance to get the perfect shot. A week? You deserveit! I had to speak on a panel one afternoon and give a presentation the next morning, but the conference I spoke at was not for my industry so I had no connections or contacts there. husband doesn t want to go on family vacation. Could also be a mix of the two, or something nobody has thought of yet. So this is a relationship question, as Allison and others have said. Give yourself permission tofeel hurt and angry. How would it feel if you lost your job or got demoted because you stopped travelling due to his shenanigans? Whats not real is all these horrible things Im imagining happening to her. Theyve had a lot of issues actually, and it kind of doesnt work for her. I had no problem with it. Your house is on fire, it doesnt matter if you wash the car or not. Ive needed counseling in the past to deal with some trauma that led me down that path, so I wholeheartedly agree with Alison that you both face this problem head on. They were both married to other people, started an affair that weekend, and eventually left their spouses. It has helped me also to understand where that response came from not just the ex baggage, but early childhood experiences damaged his basic trust, which he is working on. Las Vegas hotels have cameras everywhere. For anyone who has traveled for business, it is a dream destination because it is convenient. The point being that because he cares about you, he will do whatever he can to make his relationship with you as strong as possible. The educational health content on What To Expect is reviewed by our medical review board and team of experts to be up-to-date and in line with the latest evidence-based medical information and accepted health guidelines, including the medically reviewed What to Expect books by Heidi Murkoff. And he needs to understand that his fears are his to manage, no matter where they are coming from. Business trips (and business trips to Las Vegas even) are such a normal part of work life that is is totally bizarre to expect you not to go simply because of the destination. But in that case Anxious Controlling Husband would worry the OP would leave him for a donkey, Nothing like a donkey show joke to class up a comment thread. The way I see it, OP, assuming youre not a serial cheater who constantly engages in risky behaviors when your spouse is not standing over you, your husband is either really insecure about your marriage, or really anxious in general. Sadly, that would be a culture that supports controlling behavior. I dont know that I am articulating this as succinctly as I could be, but I hope you know where Im coming from. But this doesnt seem to be important to the OP she recognizes that she should be allowed to go on business trips. Mmm.. My husband has some mental health issues (and some life experiences) that make him prone to excessive worry when I travel for work, and in my last job, I traveled A LOT. Friend: Uh-huh. I guess I read that differently than everyone else? I know that, but if I was in construction, or teaching, or something like that, maybe I wouldnt. Create an account or log in to participate. Itll be a cold day in Hell before my husband allows/gives me permission to do anything. If OP and her husband are from perhaps a small conservative town and the husband has never been, theres a slim chance that hes reacting to this reputation. Right on the top!! Ive known many a controlling spouse, but most of them know to keep it in check when it comes to the providers job. Agree counseling would be a good place to start. EhIm not calling a mans insecurities abuse. Its notable that he took a of survey of other people to bolster his position. This is always my response to people and they always get mad at me for saying it. Unless theyre all really churchy (and the OP didnt say), if any of my previous partners said that, Id give it massive side-eye. Companies dont plan things in Vegas to put their employees at risk. Some people really arent used to being apart from their partners. Then they can work together to find a way to work with his fears, like maybe she checks in with him a few times a day at certain times. But I just wanted to let you know that there are at least two people in the world who definitively do not agree with your husband. Its been 12 years for me. I stayed once at Palms Place, the long-term stay part of the Palms that is set up like studio apartments with full kitchens. Many commenters are acting as though the husband made up this poll of people (everyone) to agree with him, which is not what she wrote or what happened. I went to Vegas for work once. I get heated at the principle of spouses letting each other do things. And while anxiety is common, abuse is even more so. with his friends, not you. In fact, couples counseling can be a useful path to helping a partner address individual issues that are affecting the partnership. Honestly, Vegas is what you make it, and its different things for different people. I also am a pretty straight laced married woman whos been in the same committed relationship for two decades and most of those trips were without my partner. Yes, marriage counselling. She needs to act on whats happening, and then maybe delve into the why with AAMs excellent advice. Personally, I think its far more likely that hes just using others or my friends agree as a generic point in his favor without actually having asked them. I love it when my husband goes camping with the guys. Hes been working through them and he was much better during my last work trip. People dont completely change upon touchdown in Vegas. And (2) hes not paranoid, controlling or insecure. He could show he loves you by treating you as an equal and making you know that your feelings, thoughts, and opinions matter. Yeah, Im wondering who would even give this sort of advice. pathfinder: wrath of the righteous ending slides. I think the fact that hes willing to go counseling (am I reading that correctly?) She worries about me being out alone after dark and it gets dark at 4:30 p.m. in the winter here.
Who Is The Girl In The Hershey Commercial,
Vasquez High School Football,
Articles H